I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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