he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
