'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
