That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was born a porn star she said
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
