u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
