i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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