Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
