Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize