I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
