I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize