I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
