Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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