Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
