I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
