I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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