You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
