It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
