when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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