The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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