why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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