You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
