I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
