my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
