He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
