Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
MIDGETS
????
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
