was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
