i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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