you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize