I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
