This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
