you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
