i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
