that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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