Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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