***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
