Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's shark week go big or go home
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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