I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
