So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I did not marry a roomba.
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