i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
