I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
