Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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