i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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