Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize