organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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