youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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