I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
