My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
