Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize