I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize