FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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