I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
