Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, beer. Big fan.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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