lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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