You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
