There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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