If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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