ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize