Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I can't turn off my feet"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
