i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
