i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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