you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
