im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
