Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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