It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
