I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
