RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
