so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
