PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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