There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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