I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
