you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
