Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
