shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
