you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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