That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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