I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
