There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
